Wednesday, January 9, 2008

The Movies of 2007

Well this has just been a shitty year for me and movie theater going.

I know, I said that last year too. Well, I still haven't improved upon the amount of movies I see when they come out.

Sadly, because of this, my top 5 movies of the year list is horribly inaccurate. Major movies, many of which I'm sure would have made my list, aren't going to. I need to see more movies in theaters.

Usually the months of January and February are filled with me Netflixing the movies I missed from the previous year...and so it might be smarter to do this list in say March instead of now...but I already made the graphic. So here, horribly incomplete, is:


The more I stare at that bad graphic, the more I don't regret doing it in work...while constantly hiding it from my supervisor.

5)Futurama: The Movie: Bender's Big Score


This should show how bad a year it was for me...a movie that only came out on DVD is making my top 5.

Is it just like the original show? No. Is it perfect? Not at all. Was it incredibly enjoyable and did it make me laugh for more than half of it? Absolutely.

My main problem with the movie was that it seemed like they were trying to cram as many cameos as they could into the movie, rather than actually creating a working plot. I'm not saying that the plot wasn't good (they made a time travel movie work with no plot holes...that's gotta mean something), it's just that I don't think it was worth a movie...egh, whatever.

4)The Simpson's Movie


Two cartoons, yeah. This movie suffers from the same problem that Futurama does...too many cameos, not good enough plot. It was funny, I can't argue with that (it probably has something to do with all of the old writers, sans Conan O'brien, coming back to take up the writing chores), but, once again, it wasn't as good as it could have been. Albert Brooks was amazing in his role though. And let's not forget about Bart's skateboarding scene, possibly the best joke in the movie. Too bad last season sucked...again.



Another script with a problem. This time though, the problem wasn't plot, but rather pretentious dialogue. Every time Juno said something like "Honest to Blog" or I don't know, that dog diggity down shit, I cringed. Diablo Cody obviously has talent, and she can write, I'll give her that, but cut the pretentiousness, please.


I saw this movie in a theater packed with junior high kids.

I still loved it.

1)Knocked Up


Apatow takes the top two. Not only is the movie hysterical, it also taught a valuable lesson about growing up. Apatow's movies at the end give feel good messages that make you get a certain feeling that most people only get from watching a Frank Capra film. Seth Rogan is the new Jimmy Stewart, and Judd Apatow is the new Capra. There, I've said it.

Just so you can see how bad a movie year it's been, I'm going to rate the rest of the movies I've seen in an EW format (just like I did last year).

300: It looked beautiful, no one can argue that. It was crap though. Enjoyable crap...but crap none the less. Just another piece of Frank Miller's later era "all style and no substance" writing.

And before anyone says something about it being a pro-war film, let me remind's a tale being told by a general trying to rally his troops. It's full of exaggerations and propaganda because, come on, he's got to get them hyped up about something. Either way, it still isn't as good as every guido in America claimed it was. B-

The Darjeeling Limited: And now, the sad truth. I don't want to call the movie boring...but it was yawn inducing, and drawn out (shockingly for a 90 minute movie). Anderson can still direct; and all the performance were fine; but the movie lacked something. Maybe it was a script that didn't seem like it had gone through all the drafts it should have. Maybe it was Wes doing the same thing he always does with his movies. Maybe the criticism has finally gotten to me that he makes the same movie over again each time/ minorities exist purely as fetishes for white characters. I'm not sure. I will say this, the only character that was fully characterized was Adrien Brodys' and maybe Owen Wilsons' (and not even until the very end). Every other character had to make due with 'quirks' being characterization. And that hasn't worked since Tenenbaums. I'm really sad that I didn't like this movie more, but I guess it was time for me to end my film-crush on Wes Anderson's films. He can comeback, of course, but right now Noah Baumbach is running circles around him. B

Farce of the Penguins: Well, this was just intolerably horrible. EVERY JOKE SUCKED. It mad me want to hurt comedians I like, just because of their association with this movie. Word of advice to Lewis Black : If Bob Saget comes to you asking to do a movie he wrote...again...don't do it. Please. F

First off, if you didn't see this in theaters, then there's no point to see it. It was meant as a theater experience, and it won't be the same on your HD TV, no matter how much money you put into the system. It's all about the atmosphere, and that includes people too...

Basically this movie was the "Snakes on a Plane" for this year, only for some reason there was this delusion that it was good. Tarintino and Rodriguez are both great directors, yes, but...this sucked. They set out to make a homage to bad films, and they made...a bad, strike that...two bad films. Egh. B

Spider-man 3:
These are my problems with Spider-man 3:
1)Raimi tried to cram too much into this movie. It came to the point where nothing got enough time.
2) I hate to say it, but Sandman was not needed in this movie. It would have worked perfectly with just Venom.
3)That's if Venom was even in it.
4)You had to be familiar with the comics to even understand the Venom story, because they explained nothing. If you don't know the comics, you won't know why the suit does what it does, or why there is a sort of dependency between the symbiote and the wearer.
5)The thing that pissed me off the most was Raimi's constant use of homages. Now I'm not against homages (especially in a Spider-man movie), but Raimi went too far. He was using the homages to convey the emotions and state of mind of the characters, but it would have been much better suited to come up with something original (or at least from the comics)the non-stop references to Saturday Night Fever, Working Girl, Tootsie, Cabaret, etc just took me out of the movie.
6)The movie falls apart in it's second half.
7)The scene where Venom and Sandman team up is horrible. It reminds me of Joel Schumacher's Batman movies.

Here would have been a better movie: The relationship between Peter and Mary Jane is paralleled by the relationship between Peter and the black symbiote/Eddie Brock and Venom. Include the Gwen Stacy and Harry Osbourne parts of course. Make Venom the only villain. If you really want Sandman then fight him in the beginning while Peter is in the black suit. That might be a waste of Sandman though, so maybe it could be a smaller character. That's just my take. B-

The TV Set:
It had so much potential, but blew it all by not developing characters. B-

Wild Hogs:
Yeah, you read that right...I saw Wild Hogs. Some of my friends have REALLY bad taste in movies. I didn't pay for it though, so wasn't my money that went to this. To sum it up: Yes, it was that bad. F

So, I haven't seen There Will Be Blood, No Country For Old Men, Lars And The Real Girl, Michael Clayton, Sweeney Todd, etc. I might see There will be blood soon, cause my friends want to go, so maybe I'll have a new number one. Same with No Country. Sweeney Todd apparently puts manlihoods in jeopardy cause it's a musical, so I guess that's one for the rental queue. And so are the others. I'll see them all eventually.


I forgot a movie, and saw another, so I'm adding them here at the end:

Shoot 'Em Up: Clive Owens kills people using carrots, knives, helicopter blades, needles, and other blunt objects, and then complains that guns kill too many people. D-

Smokin' Aces: An attempt to mimic Tarintino, but forgetting what makes Tarintino great. D-


  1. 1. going to movies alone is awesome. learn this.

    2. juno never says honest to blog, her ugly slut friend does. and that phone conversation was painful, though the rest of the film, brilliant. i kind of excused it to the characters being 16 and not knowing what pretentious is, just trying to be/ find themselves and all that shit.

    3. see old country, STAT. and did you not see sicko? you should.

    4. knocked up is so awesome. and, i laughed. a lot. at darjeeling...


  2. oh, and the best movie of the year is 'once'... see it. it was an awesome year for movies. but if you dont see 'once' like, tomorrow, you are missing out.

  3. Somethings always stopped me from going to a theater might be the lack of anyone to make comments to during the trailers.

    I honestly forgot who said what in that phone conversation in was still painful no matter who said it. That reminds me of another question I have about that movie: the character of Leah (the "ugly slut friend"), what was suppose to be her deal? She seems like Juno's best friend, but at the same time (at least in the beginning), it seems like Juno has some sort of contempt for her. But also if she said "Honest to blog", is she suppose to be the pretentious one? I'm so confused.

    I gotta see Old Country and Sicko. Sickos on my netflix queue and will be here soon.

    Thanks for the comment!

  4. I loved Shoot 'em Up! But I love ridiculous action movies with cheesy dialogue, so I was pretty much bound to love it. I don't know that it deserves such a low grade, though, it was clearly not taking itself very seriously.

    Also: the dialogue in Juno was way too forced. I liked the movie, but I would've liked it more if it didn't try as hard as it did. I don't know if I'd call it pretentious so much as fake. Very fake.