It was around 5 in the morning last night. Or is that early morning? Whatever. I was laying in my bed; I couldn't sleep again. I was spinning around the sheets, constantly staring at my alarm clock. "Maybe if I stare at my clock the time will go backwards." Alas, that did not work. In fact it did the complete opposite...talk about your bad luck.
I started flipping through channels on my TV, thinking that maybe there would be at least something interesting to watch during my insomnia. There was an episode of the X-Files on...no shock there, there was also some show where they were selling ten year old pennies at 35 dollars a piece. I wonder if I can do that. I mean, I have a whole jar full of change...who knows what I can sell that for...
Random thoughts shifted in and out of my head. "I was sleepy right before I got to bed, how am I not tired now?", "Just wait, right when I find something to watch, I'll fall asleep", "Which is the worst news of the week...Boston being full of idiots or Joss Weeden not doing the Wonder Woman movie anymore?
While in jail he hangs out with Todd Barry, Tommy Lee, Heidi Fleis and the ghost of Sam Kiniston...and I assume learns a valuable life lesson (ironically) and probably gets his "career" back...I'm not sure...I passed out around then...Believe me it was for the better, because if I had to hear one more "Heeeeeeeeey Budddddddddy" a blood vessel in my brain probably would have popped, and blood would have shot out of my ears.
The worse part was...this was a Pauly Shore movie, which with a little research I found out he directed...and featured cameos by the likes of Woopi Goldberg, Britney Spears, Kurt Loader, Matt Pinfield, Sugar Ray, Limp Bizqit, Tom Sizemore, Carson Daily, the aforementioned Carrot Top, Kato Kalin, and Ja Rule (none of which surprise me as they all suck), but also Bill Maher, Ellen Degenerous, Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn, Dr Dre, and Snoop Dogg. Why guys, why?
Oh and he compares his own comedy lovingly to Sam Kiniston...either that or he really hates him.
Needless to say, this movie has scarred me for life. It was the equivalent of the Kent State Massacre on screen. They just kept on shooting at me for no reason at all. Over and over again. At the same time though, I couldn’t look away from it. I was amazed at
"Heeeeere's Johnny!" Number 1 catch-phrase on TV Land list
Damn I'm good.
TV Land released their list of the top 100 TV catch-phrases. The only problem is they’re in alphabetical order. The actually countdown will be aired I think starting December 11th, but until then, I thought it would be fun to try to put them in order myself.
It's a pretty good list. At least 90% I can say actually belong here. The other 10% were obviously placed to try and gain cred from younger viewers I'm sure. Why else would something from "How I met your Mother" make this list?
Off the top of my head I can't think of anything that's missing. I probably will think of 30 right after I post this. Remember it's TV quotes, not movie quotes. If you guys have any additions, post em in the comments.
Ok, here we go (I've added some comments to select few):
1)"Here's Johnny!" (Ed McMahon, "The Tonight Show")
-Almost everyone can identify where this quote came from and who says it. It's been referenced everywhere, and many parodies have been made of it. I have no reason not to expect this isn't going to be number one.
2)"Aaay" (Fonzie, "Happy Days")
3) "I'm not a crook ..." (Richard Nixon)
4)"One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind" (Neil Armstrong)
5)"Yada, yada, yada" ("Seinfeld")
-Do you realize how much we use this phrase in simple conversation? I know Seinfeld didn't invent it, but I highly doubt we'd be using it as much as we do without its influence.
6)"Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country" (John F. Kennedy)
7)"Hey hey hey!" (Fat Albert, "Fat Albert")
8)"Two thumbs up" (Siskel & Ebert, "Siskel & Ebert")
9)"Come on down!" (Johnny Olson, "The Price is Right")
10)"I want my MTV!" (MTV ad)
-This phrase defined a generation that grew up with music videos, short attention spans and MTV. The fact that this catch-phrase is a demand says so more about the MTV generation than any explanation can.
11)"Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids" (Trix cereal ad)
12)"D'oh!" (Homer Simpson, "The Simpsons")
13)"Senator, you're no Jack Kennedy" (Lloyd Bentsen to Dan Quayle)
14)"Pardon me, would you have any Grey Poupon?" (Grey Poupon ad)
-I just assume this is how rich people talk. C'mon, so do you.
15)"Don't make me angry, you won't like me when I'm angry" (David Banner, "The Incredible Hulk")
16)"Good night, and good luck" (Edward R. Murrow, "See It Now")
17)"Holy (whatever), Batman!" (Robin, "Batman")
18)"Yabba dabba do!" (Fred Flintstone, "The Flintstones")
19)"No soup for you!" (The Soup Nazi, "Seinfeld")
20)"I can't believe I ate the whole thing" (Alka Seltzer ad)
21)"Where's the beef?" (Wendy's ad)
-This catch-phrase was perfect because of the decade it came out in. The 80's was a decade missing substance. That old lady from the Wendy's commercial wanted to know where her substance in hamburgers went. The sad part is, no one told her Wendy's lacked just as much substance as the closest competitor.
22)"Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?" (Arnold Drummond, "Diff'rent Strokes")
23)"Baby, you're the greatest" (Jackie Gleason as Ralph Kramden, "The Honeymooners")
-After he'd scream at his wife with threats of bruises and space travel, Kramdem normally realized how much he needed Alice and uttered this line. And somehow, we really believe he wasn't going to punch her in the face.
24)"Space, the final frontier ..." (Capt. Kirk, "Star Trek")
25)"The truth is out there" (Fox Mulder, "The X-Files")
26)"Have you no sense of decency?" (Joseph Welch to Sen. McCarthy)
-The most famous quote to come out of the televised McCarthy hearings. Kinda sums it up pretty well.
27)"Good grief" (Charlie Brown, "Peanuts" specials)
28)"Norm!" ("Cheers")
29)"You eeeediot!" (Ren, "Ren & Stimpy")
-Even though this quote was not originally from Ren and Stimpy (Peter Lorre said it in "
30)"Dyn-o-mite" (J.J., "Good Times")
31)"Time to make the donuts" ("Dunkin' Donuts" ad)
32)"This is the city,
33)"How sweet it is!" (Jackie Gleason, "The Jackie Gleason Show")
-Unless I'm mistaken, Jackie Gleason is the only person with two catch-phrases on this list.
34)"Good night, John Boy" ("The Waltons")
35)"Now cut that out!" (Jack Benny, "The Jack Benny Program")
36)"Read my lips: No new taxes!" (George H.W. Bush)
-One good way to gage how much impact a particular quote had is by looking at how much comedy and comedians had parodied it. This one was done quite a bit. Somehow I don't remember Dana Carvey ever saying it though.
37)"Oh, my God! They killed Kenny!" (Stan and Kyle, "
38)"Well, isn't that special?" (Dana Carvey as the Church Lady, "Saturday Night Live")
39)"What you see is what you get!" (Geraldine, "The Flip Wilson Show")
40)"Smile, you're on `Candid Camera'" ("Candid Camera")
41)"I know nothing!" (Sgt. Schultz, "Hogan's Heroes")
-Coincidentally also what Schultz said at
42)"Sock it to me" ("Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In")
-Ok, if you count that Richard Nixon said this on "Laugh In" once, then he has two quotes on this list too. In the 60s this line went everywhere. Aretha Franklin even yelled it in her version of "Respect" and Mitch Ryder made a whole song out of it.
43)"Whassup?" (Budweiser ad)
-Why are we honoring this one?
44)"We are two wild and crazy guys!" (Steve Martin and Dan Aykroyd as Czech playboys, "Saturday Night Live")
45)"We've got a really big show!" (Ed Sullivan, "The Ed Sullivan Show")
46)"You're fired!" (Donald Trump, "The Apprentice")
47)"Book 'em, Danno" (Steve McGarrett, "Hawaii Five-O")
48)"Danger, Will Robinson" (Robot, "Lost in Space")
49)"I'm not a doctor, but I play one on TV" (Vicks Formula 44 ad)
-Hack comics everywhere have made this line their own. I don't believe in the 80s, a season of SNL went by without at least one character saying it or some variation of it at least once.
50)"Live long and prosper" (Spock, "Star Trek")
51)"Makin' whoopie" (Bob Eubanks, "The Newlywed Game")
52)"I'm Rick James, bitch!" (Dave Chappelle as Rick James, "Chappelle's Show")
-Yeah, people are still friggen saying it.
53)"Do you believe in miracles?" (Al Michaels, 1980 Winter Olympics)
54)"Is that your final answer?" (Regis Philbin, "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire")
55)"Jane, you ignorant slut" (Dan Aykroyd to Jane Curtin, "Saturday Night Live")
-It's still always hysterical to enter an argument by calling your opponent an ignorant slut.
56)"Let's get ready to rumble!" (Michael Buffer, various sports events)
57)"It takes a licking and keeps on ticking" (Timex ad)
58)"And that's the way it is" (Walter Cronkite, "CBS Evening News")
59)"It keeps going and going and going ..." (Energizer Batteries ad)
60)"De plane! De plane!" (Tattoo, "
-TV viewers are so mean. If a tall English speaking man uttered these lines, I highly doubt we would remember/care about them. But since Tattoo was a short ugly Spanish dude who moonlighted as a James Bond villain, we love it. We're mean.
61)"Say good night, Gracie" (George Burns, "The Burns & Allen Show")
62)"Tastes great! Less filling!" (Miller Lite beer ad)
63)"Yeah, that's the ticket" (Jon Lovitz as the pathological liar, "Saturday Night Live")
64)"Bam!" (Emeril Lagasse, "Emeril Live")
65)"Heh heh" (Beavis and Butt-head, "Beavis and Butthead")
66)"Hey hey hey!" (Dwayne Nelson, "What's Happening!!")
67)"You rang?" (Lurch, "The Addams Family")
68)"Gee, Mrs. Cleaver ..." (Eddie Haskell, "Leave it to Beaver")
69)"Who loves you, baby?" (Kojak, "Kojak")
70)"
71)"You look mahvelous!" (Billy Crystal as Fernando, "Saturday Night Live")
72)"Let's be careful out there" (Sgt. Esterhaus, "Hill Street Blues")
73)"Just one more thing ..." (Columbo, "Columbo")
74)"Nip it!" (Barney Fife, "The Andy Griffith Show")
75)"The tribe has spoken" (Jeff Probst, "Survivor")
76)"You've got spunk. I hate spunk!" (Lou Grant, "The Mary Taylor Moore Show")
-I think this might be my favorite quote that no one ever quotes.
77)"Up your nose with a rubber hose" (Vinnie Barbarino, "Welcome Back, Kotter")
-Honestly, I hate this line. I think it's so stupid, and clearly shows my contempt for "Welcome Back, Kotter". Yet, I can't deny that it was popular and did affect people. Why? I don't know. I just assume people like John Travolta.
78)"Would you believe…?" (Maxwell Smart, "Get Smart")
79)"Schwing!" (Mike Myers and Dana Carvey as
-There was a short time in the 90s when saying this quote was funny. It was called Elementary school.
80)"Here it is, your moment of Zen" (Jon Stewart, "The Daily Show")
81) "God'll get you for that" (Maude, "Maude")
82)"Resistance is futile" (Picard as Borg, "Star Trek: The Next Generation")
83) "The thrill of victory, the agony of defeat" (Jim McKay, "ABC's Wide World of Sports")
84)"I love it when a plan comes together" (Hannibal, "The A-Team")
-Now we're getting into famous quotes from TV shows that didn't exactly affect all of pop culture. But, whatever.
85)"Stifle!" (Archie Bunker, "All in the Family")
86)"Homey don't play that!" (Homey the Clown, "In Living Color")
87)"That's hot" (Paris Hilton, "The Simple Life")
-For all those stupid people everywhere.
88)"Holy crap!" (Frank Barone, "Everybody Loves Raymond")
89)"Hey now!" (Hank Kingsley, "The Larry Sanders Show")
90)"I'm Larry, this is my brother Darryl, and this is my other brother Darryl" (Larry, "Newhart")
91)"Never assume ..." (Felix Unger, "The Odd Couple")
92)"Mom always liked you best" (Tommy Smothers, "The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour")
93)"How you doin'?" (Joey Tribbiani, "Friends")
-Kill yourself.
94)"Tell me what you don't like about yourself" (Dr. McNamara and Dr. Troy, "Nip/Tuck")
95)"Oh, my nose!" (Marcia Brady, "The Brady Bunch")
-Did Marcia actually say this when the football hit her? I don't remember. Either way, I would think the more popular Brady Bunch quote would have been Jan's line: "Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!".
96)"Welcome to the O.C., bitch" (Luke, "The O.C.")
-I've never watched these last three shows, so I don't know how to rank them…I just find this line funny for some reason.
97)"Suit up!" (Barney Stinson, "How I Met Your Mother")
98)"Denny Crane" (Denny Crane, "Boston Legal")
-It appears there are two missing. Hmm. Maybe they're better than these.
This might be cheating, but where's "What's up Doc?" and other Looney Tunes quotes? I know they originally started as theatrical shorts, but they gained life on TV where younger and younger generations watched them and only knew of them from programming like "The Bugs and Tweety Show" and "Looney Tunes on Nickelodeon".
It's late, I'm sick, fuck spell check, I just have some random opinions and thoughts.
You wanna know what's weird...I just had a conversation with my Dad about Borat. That wasn't the weird part...the weird part was that he was able to quote bits from him verbatim. I had no clue my Dad knew who Borat or Sascha Baron Cohen even was. I've never seen him watch Da Ali G Show...does HBO show episodes of it at like 4 in the morning? That's the only time that I'd think he'd watch it...I don’t know. It just surprises me.
Alright, I just watch Revenge of The Nerds again. The last time I saw the movie had to be like 5 years ago, and just like I remembered, it was stupid, yet entertaining and funny. Something else I realized about it though: While a stupid college-teen comedy, it possesses a genius concept: Have a social commentary on racism, but instead of white people discriminating against blacks, have it be Nerds. Look at all the tell-tale signs--The Alpha Beta bad guys are all pure white (as are their Sorority counterparts); the Nerds are a amalgamation of every group from society that has ever been called an outcast, an outsider, or different in any way; The Nerds join up with the Tri-Lams, which is an all-black Frat, and they accept them; The Alpha Betas burn the word "Nerds" in front of their house (ala a cross), and throw bricks though their windows telling them to go away; plus much more.
Now, I know I'm not making points that haven’t already been brought out before, but that's not the point...what I really wanted to say about the movie was what pissed me off about it--specifically that the hot girl, Betty, decides to dump her jock Alpha-Beta boyfriend for a Nerd, just because he's good in bed. Now, aren't the Nerds suppose to be smart? Doesn't Lewis realize that she's just using him for sex and that she feels no feelings toward him what-so-ever? Maybe he just doesn’t care? Anyway, that's one hell of a message to send: Girls like you only for sex. That's almost as bad as the end of Grease: If you want to get the guy, be a slut.
Now that I think about it, if they were making a race commentary with that scene as well, then it is both hilarious and ridiculously offensive. It's hilarious because the stereotype of black men having huge dicks is being saddled with Nerds are good at sex and that by just having sex with a black man/Nerd, the white girl will instantly regret any previous sex with someone of less quality. You know, "Once you go black, you never go back"? That thing. It's offensive though because basically the movie says that that's the only reason why a hot girl would fall for a Nerd or white girl fall for a black guy. Apparently they have no other redeeming qualities.
I just finished reading Mark Evanier and Sergio Aragones' Fanboy graphic novel. It was pretty damn good. If you're a comic book nerd, or a fan of DC comics or of most of the classic artists, then you need to pick it up. It's hilarious, and true (mostly).
Being sick has allowed me to watch two classic cult shows that I never got the chance to really watch before hand. The Diana Rigg version of the Avengers and the original Star Trek. Now, I've seen both these shows before, but I guess I just never cared enough about either to really look at them and give them a chance. My Dad had a few VHS cassettes of the British spy show the Avengers, so I figured I might as well watch them while I'm sick (since Netflix suspended my account temporarily), since I can't really do anything else. I know that Patrick McNee's John Steed was a regular in the cast for almost the entirety of the show (a few first season episodes aside) and that he even came back for the short lived 1970s revival, but his (mostly) female counterparts changed quite a few times during the show’s 1961 to 1969 run. The most well known of his partners, and my favorite (and apparently my Dad's favorite too since he doesn't have an episode with anyone else) was the beautiful Diana Rigg as Emma Peel. The sexual tension between the two was the highlight of many episodes, especially the ones that boarder lined on plain silly in concept (super-intelligent robots taking over Parliament to make decisions for us? C'mon). Now while I have seen a few episodes with other female leads (Rigg's predecessor Honor Blackman being one), I really just can't imagine the show without the Steed/Peel chemistry. These two worked so well together; they acted like lovers but never got into bed (at least on camera)...that was the kind of mistake that ruined great shows like Moonlighting and the X-Files (well, bad writing and Robert Patrick ruined that). When the two leads finally do sleep together, you ruin all the sexual tension, and all the reasons for tuning in. Frankly, I could care less about Maddie and David after they fucked on Moonlighting. And Mulder and Scully...in that final episode when they kissed...no! For a show that's about the unexpected, that was the thing that everyone was expecting, but no one wanted! Anyway, check out some Emma Peel era Avengers.
Oh, I just realized Emma Peel is a pun. Emma Peel=M Appeal, or better known as MAN Appeal. Something Diana Rigg certainly had.
Now the original Star Trek. I like to thank TV Land for airing a marathon of the show, so I could finally watch some episodes. I have to say, I did enjoy them. I'm surprised how many episodes did not even take place in space, as well as how many actually had ironic morals for the real world (so many episodes were meant to make you think of the current situations and events of the 60s in a new light). The episode "City at the End of Time" was probably one of the best episodes I watched and made me laugh quite a few times. I was shocked. Now what does this make me. I'm certainly not a Trekkie. I'm also not running out to buy the show on DVD. I still say Star Wars is better too. It's a shame there's a stigma attached to Star Trek.
Michael Richards racist outbursts at the LA comedy club The Laugh Factory might have been the funniest things to come out of a LA Comics mouth ever.
Also since when does Michael Richards do stand up? I mean, I know his career was in the shitter, but stand up? Can't Weird Al make another movie or something?
Movies I still havent seen, but want to:
Casino Royal
Borat
The Fountain
The Departed
Maybe when I get money.
That new trailer for Spiderman 3 looks amazing. I can't wait for that movie. I hate Venom, and I never thought a movie with him would work, but Goddamn, it looks like Sam Raimi did it right. And friggen Sandman looks awesome!
Ok, that's it. I can hear my TV playing the theme song to Innuasha*, so I know I'm up too late. I can't breath through my nose, but I'm gonna try to sleep anyway.
*How the hell is it spelt anyway?
From the AP/Yahoo News:
"SYDNEY, Australia - At least 10 stingrays have been killed since "Crocodile Hunter" Steve Irwin was fatally injured by one of the fish, an official said Tuesday, prompting a spokesman for the late TV star's animal charity to urge people not take revenge on the animals. "
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I don’t think I even need to say anything more. That was one of the greatest opening paragraphs ever.
ok, one more:
"He said killing stingrays was "not what Steve was about.""
No, apparently he was into hunting crocodiles. That was his name wasn't it?
MTV has come under fire for an episode of their show "Where my dogs at?" which featured 2 women on all fours with dog leashes around their necks being walked by a parody of Snoop Dogg. Many critics have come out and... well, criticized the episode.
They claim that the episode was degrading to women. MTV claims that it was based on a real life incident involving Snoop Dogg.
I haven't seen this episode (in fact, I hate the show, but that's another story), but I can't help but wonder about these groups that are claiming this show was degrading to black women...they're obviously looking in the wrong place.
Fuck the cartoon; have any of these people seen a music video? Go tell me women aren't being "degraded" in 3 out of 5 rap videos. Go tell me they're not being reduced to sex objects and "Sexy scenery."
Now, since this was apparently based on a real incident where Snoop Dogg arrived somewhere with 2 girls wearing dog collars, I have to ask another question...Did the writers get the Dogg/Dog reference? I'm not sure if even Snoop was being degrading to women...I think he was using a pun (he's big on those if you haven't realized.) Now granted that's not a free pass to do whatever he wants in that area (Calling his female collar wearing entourage bitches is humorous at first, but is probably bordering on wrong), but it's not like he was (as in the cartoon) having them walk on all fours and cleaning up their shit.
Yeah, that's all I have to say.
I should devote another blog post to one of the dog voices on that show, Jeffrey Ross and how his career has gone completely down hill.
Comedy Central would rather let Carlos Mencia make fun of retarded people than let Trey Parker and Matt Stone make a statement about censorship by showing a cartoon image of Muhammad. I guess they figure that the disabled can't work a bomb.
But seriously:
Anyone who saw this weeks
Comedy Central censors South Park
There's something in the article itself that bugs me. Specifically, this quote:
"A frequent '
'The ultimate hypocrite is not Comedy Central that's their decision not to show the image of Muhammad or not it's Parker and Stone,' he said. 'Like little whores, they'll sit there and grab the bucks. They'll sit there and they'll whine and they'll take their shot at Jesus. That's their stock in trade.' "
There are so many things wrong with this statement. First off, grammar. Secondly, There's no surprise that a "frequent critic" of
Thirdly, I love how he somehow started talking about how Parker and Stone get money for making the show. and Fourthly, did he completely misunderstand the Jesus reference? Did he even see the show? (that’s a rhetorical question, I know the answer is no).
Honestly, some people just make me want to hit them. Hard.
If Comedy Central was afraid of the response from Fundamentalist Muslims if they showed the image, then should be even more worried about how people like myself and other fans of the Bill of Rights are going to react. Freedom of Speech is a guarantee, and Comedy Central has no right infringing upon it. In the end though, Parker and Stone got the last laugh...the image of Muhammad did get aired...The cartoon Muhammad from the earlier Superfriends parody episode appears in the intro to the show. Look really close at the group shot.
Also, boycott Mission Impossible: 3. Tom Cruise is another asshole that’s trying to stop free speech. He doesn’t want the episode of
Watching his show makes me sick…so I don't watch it. Instead I have to hear about it from everyone of my friends who watch it and think he's genius. I should expect just as much out of them…these are the same people who thought "Crash" was a comedy.
Forget about the obvious comments about Comedy Central just giving a show to every minority they can, because it is acceptable to be racist if you're a minority. Forget about that. The problem is that these shows are just making people more racist. I think it was on 'Inside the Actors Studio' where Dave Chappelle said he needs to tweak his comedy because all it's doing is allowing white frat boys to say 'nigga' all the time. What was suppose to make fun of the stereotypes has just become flat out racism.
Maybe it's just the audience like Chappelle was talking about. Who watched 'Chappelle's' Show'? It was mostly college students. White college students. White college students who came to school expecting to be like Will Ferrell's character in "Old School". Dave Chappelle is a really funny guy, but all Chappelle's show did was turn his comedy into something it wasn't. Remember that genius skit on his first show, the black KKK member? Well, the irony of that was of course the fact he was black and a Klan member. Now, transpose that into college life where every-other-word out of some peoples mouths is "I'm Rick James Bitch!". They idolize Chappelle and the Klan skit is like their "Duck Soup". They hold it up as the essence of comedy and try to imitate it in any way. The ironic racism of Chappelle has turned into the real racism of his followers.
But I've gotten off topic. I was saying how much I hate Carlos Mencia. I'll leave that for another time.
