Yes We Chan!

I'd like to take some time out to talk about my alma mater.

Hofstra University hosted the 3rd and final presidential debate this evening. We were all very proud.

While the candidates were embarrassing themselves within the David S. Mack Arena, Hofstra itself was being embarrassed on live TV...by my friends.

You see, I was a part of a certain society at Hofstra, I don't know if I need to mention it's name...ok, it was called NONSENSE HUMOR MAGAZINE. We are in fact Hofstra's Only Intentional Humor Magazine.



Current members and Alumni alike (i.e. me) infiltrated the debate coverage tonight, creating fake posters and signs, and trying to get on MSNBC. Finally, after the debate, that goal was achieved.


http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/27207488#27207680



If you look right behind Andrea Mitchell, you'll notice a few odd campaign signs in the background. They look like they could be Barack Obama signs...but not quite...you see, these signs were promoting a little known campaign. They were promoting the Presidential run of Jackie Chan.



In that screen shot you can clearly see two members holding up signs proclaiming a "Chan We Need" and "Chan"



There we have yet another "Chan" sign as well as one of our "I'm Apathetic" posters.



Finally in this one you see current editor Brendan Smyth showing his support for Bob Barr with his hand made sign.

During the commercial break the Obama campaign called and demanded that Nonsense take down the signs. Pussies.

We shall not be silenced! The campaign of Jackie Chan will go on! Let Jackie debate! Let Jackie debate!

It's not like he's the only candidate that wasn't born in this country.

So, this little Improve Everywhere-like idea was cut short by a candidate who couldn't take a joke...Nonsense still came out on top.

Chris Matthews took an issue of Nonsense and enjoyed it. He also signed a copy for an alumna.

Matthews's aid then asked what another sign one of our members was holding up meant. The sign in question said "I Scissored Sarah Palin". An explanation was given, and hilarity ensued.

There will of course be people who will complain about this act of comedy. Nothing unusual about that. When I was the Managing Editor of this magazine, someone complained every week. In it's 25 years of existence not a year went by without a controversy.

If we're not offending people we're not doing our jobs. Comedy is meant to upset the status quo. It's meant to challenge authority.

I love free speech.

I love Nonsense Humor Magazine.

And I'll love Hofstra University if they understand that.

Sorry

I woke up today to a phone call from a friend of mine asking me why I hadn't updated my blog since February. Possibly due to sleep deprivation, or to the fact that it was SIX THIRTY ON A SATURDAY MORNING and I had to get up for work very soon after that, I sarcastically (and unamusingly) inquired "Blog? What blog? I have a blog?"

Like I said, it was 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't trying to be funny.

Ridiculous phone calls aside, the reports that I haven't updated my blog here are true.

Yeah, sorry about that.

My fake online Reverend school has taken a lot out of me, what with term papers and "online blackboard discussion groups" and what not. I haven't really had time for anything fun outside of kicking ass in Super Smash Brothers occasionally.

(ok, and yes, going to Comic Con. Which was awesome by the way).

If it means anything, I also haven't done any stand-up since March, so this little-read blog is not the only thing that is suffering from my need to further my education.

My education, ruining my dreams since college.

After my final paper for this semester is in though, you better believe I'll be back to posting every week or so (you know, cause I'll find something better to do then as well...like reading the second volume of Geoff John's Stars and S.T.R.I.P.E.). SO, look forward to that!

Thanks for your patience guys.

Being the Everyman is overrated

The film critics for the New York Times occasionally put out an article that provides intelligent insight into film theory. This article is no exception. I urge everyone to read With a Great Wink, Films Like 'Click' Trumpet One Message but Mean Another.

The article gives a few examples of where this is used in Hollywood, but falls short of pointing out that this is just their marketing trend. Almost every Hollywood movie does this.

But you don't need me to point that out for you, I'm sure you came to that conclusion yourself.

This thing I wanted to talk about with this article is the information that is given at the end: "Click" in it's opening weekend did better than "Eternal Sunshine On The Spotless Mind" in it's entire United States run. That is just sad.

I was at a College Graduation BBQ yesterday for a good friend of mine and one of the conversations that came up was movies. My friend, who's known me and my tastes for a little under ten years told me that I must see "Click" because it's the "funniest movie ever".

First, I admit I haven't seen "Click" yet, nor do I plan to. All speculation on this movie is made via previews, professional movie reviews and friends reviews. Secondly I have to admit that Adam Sandler has made some ridiculously funny movies in the past, and I've enjoyed them ("Billy Madison", "Happy Gilmore", "Big Daddy", etc) so the suggestion of an Adam Sandler movie to me is not the most horrible idea ever, but one has to admit, his movies ain't what they used to be.

Alright, the fact that people have made a movie like "Click" just shows how much good screenplays mean to Hollywood: Nothing. The fact that hack writing is considered the norm, and what people want to see is just horrible. Yes, I know the theory that sometimes people just want to see a "safe movie" or one that doesn't extract too much emotion either way out of someone, and to an extent I can understand that. But how can one sit through mindless bullshit?! "Billy Madison" was a safe movie, and was funny. But unlike newer Sandler fare like his interpretation of a Hollywood classic "Mr. Deeds" (ok, not so much new)"Billy Madison" was cleverly written and just outright absurd. Sandler played a slacker who was worth nothing, and not only won the girl and had fun (and learned a lesson blah blah blah) but also related to its audience and got us on his side. He did this all without using pure stock characters and falling into the mindless gap known as clichés. "Mr. Deeds" on the other hand had him playing a ready-made charming underdog who we knew from the beginning was going to get the girl. No lesson needed to be learned because he was already perfect, it was just the world around him that was insane. His biggest flaw was his black foot, which as we remember was used to his advantage. Yes, I know Sandler was playing the same role as Gary Cooper's version of the Everyman Mr. Deeds in "Mr. Deeds Goes to Town" but that's no excuse to make garbage. Hell, even the original was pure Hollywood smaltz, but at least I saw somewhat of a heart in it. Sandler's version was just garbage to keep him fresh in the public's image...I mean it wasn't as if the amazing "Punch Drunk love" didn't just finish it's theatre run, and "Eight Crazy Nights" wasn't about to come out two months later...oh wait.

Ok, this was supposed to be about "Click", right? Yeah...now this trend with Hollywood of course isn't just in Adam Sandler movies, but everywhere...I guess we can't stop that, because apparently it's what the people want. The fact that my friend not only suggested this movie to me, but also proclaimed it the "Funniest movie ever" is just outright sad. People want to see shit. Meanwhile gold like "Eternal Sunshine" is deemed "boring" by the masses. I don't know what to do anymore...nobody wants to work to understand a movie, nobody wants to learn anything, all anyone wants anymore is to be that everyman who from the beginning is predestined to get the girl and not change for the better at all.

Oh, and John Turturro's character was hysterical.

Myspace: Friend of Police

There's an article in Newsweek this week about the police using Myspace to get information on criminals and those suspected of committing crimes. I don’t have a link currently, but I’m sure there is one.

This article disturbs me. One of the incidents described in the article is about the police checking the profiles of all the friends of one kid to see if they were at his party, and possibly caused some damage (including sexually abusing the girl). Isn't there a Right to Privacy infringement here somewhere?

This also reminds me of when colleges were using Facebook.com to crack down on underage drinking. If they saw you holding a beer on campus in one of your pics, they gave you a reprimand.

I was slow to come onto Myspace (and Facebook) because I didn’t like what these sites did. They more or less set up a database where any person can come and find all your information and everything about you. Now I don’t mean rapists or murders or anyone like that, I mean the government. These sites seem like the first step to a dystopian sci-fi movie. Everyone is registered here, and all their info is here, and can be accessed at the click of a mouse. I’m really shocked that in this post-9/11 world people let their guards down for this. How did we go from not having listed phone numbers to filling out surveys and writing blogs describing everything about you? Honestly, this is friggen disturbing.

Then again, I guess I’m a hypocrite, cause I bought into it just as much as everyone else. I’m on Myspace finally (after saying no for like a year and a half) and I’m on Facebook (I’ve been there for almost 2 years) and I’m even on Friendster (joined that around 3 and a half years ago...haven’t checked it since). Both Friendster and Facebook were done kinda out of peer-pressure from my Nonsense Humor Magazine cohorts, but Myspace I joined on my own...why? Because I liked the self-expression option. One could express themselves in anyway possible on Myspace. Either through writing like I do, or through distracting backgrounds, slow loading pictures, horrible layouts, and loud songs. Any option you choose, you’re still expressing yourself and being an individual...the complete opposite of an Orwellian society were everyone’s the same.

Or are we just made to think that? I noticed that most peoples profiles do look the same because they’re built by the same profile builders. Maybe that’s just coincidence. Maybe.

That's why I like writing...whether it be blogs, or the extravagant amount of surveys that I fill out (my friends know what I’m talking about). The first amendment is one of our most important amendments, because it allows us to say what we want, whether that be our opinion, or the facts. It allows us to criticize our government. Criticize authority. Say what we want. If the government ever tries to take that away, tries to suppress our rights and freedoms, then we use the only amendment that’s more important than the first amendment: the second amendment. We follow what John Locke suggested in his Second Treatise on Government and we overthrow our government by force (though this is a measure you take only when all else fails), because the government is based on us. We are in a Social Contract with our government where we allow it to rule us in return for its protection and limits on its power. When they break that, we have the right to break our side of the contract. As Alan Moore wrote in his graphic novel V for Vendetta: "People shouldn’t fear their governments, governments should fear its people."

But I’m getting off topic here.

Yeah, sometimes the way the police or the government or formal authority is using databases like Myspace and Facebook makes me feel like I’m in a Ridley Scott movie (or commercial). But as much as I don’t like everyone in the world possibly knowing everything about me, I also like bragging. Speaking of which: Ladies, I’m single, in two honor societies, and graduating in May with degrees in TWO majors. C'mon, you know you like it. lol

America becomes stupider every time it watches Carlos Mencia

America becomes stupider every time it watches Carlos Mencia.

Watching his show makes me sick…so I don't watch it. Instead I have to hear about it from everyone of my friends who watch it and think he's genius. I should expect just as much out of them…these are the same people who thought "Crash" was a comedy.

Forget about the obvious comments about Comedy Central just giving a show to every minority they can, because it is acceptable to be racist if you're a minority. Forget about that. The problem is that these shows are just making people more racist. I think it was on 'Inside the Actors Studio' where Dave Chappelle said he needs to tweak his comedy because all it's doing is allowing white frat boys to say 'nigga' all the time. What was suppose to make fun of the stereotypes has just become flat out racism.

Maybe it's just the audience like Chappelle was talking about. Who watched 'Chappelle's' Show'? It was mostly college students. White college students. White college students who came to school expecting to be like Will Ferrell's character in "Old School". Dave Chappelle is a really funny guy, but all Chappelle's show did was turn his comedy into something it wasn't. Remember that genius skit on his first show, the black KKK member? Well, the irony of that was of course the fact he was black and a Klan member. Now, transpose that into college life where every-other-word out of some peoples mouths is "I'm Rick James Bitch!". They idolize Chappelle and the Klan skit is like their "Duck Soup". They hold it up as the essence of comedy and try to imitate it in any way. The ironic racism of Chappelle has turned into the real racism of his followers.

But I've gotten off topic. I was saying how much I hate Carlos Mencia. I'll leave that for another time.